Why I wish I was Fat and/or Hairy!

This, at first thought, might seem strange but I think it’s the best way forward if I am ever going to be taken seriously as a food writer.

Sadly, I am normal size, normally hirsute, don’t ride a motorbike and I’m not even a lesbian, more’s the pity. (A straight friend once said to me that she wished she was gay as “that way at least you can have a sensible conversation at home!”, point taken!). 

What on earth can I do to grab the attention of people who might find my cookbooks helpful?

Useful Credentials for a Food Writer

The fact that I have been a chef for over 30 years, have run my own restaurants, have travelled and worked as a chef not only in England but in various other places including many years in the Caribbean, lived and cooked on boats, in camper vans, caravans and other odd situations and (this is the important bit) learned and picked up a huge range of interesting and truly useful ideas, tips and recipes just doesn’t seem to be enough to qualify me as a cookbook writer worth reading.  

I need a peculiarity. I don’t think being fat, hairy or gay is particularly odd, perhaps I could drink loads like Keith Floyd or, I dunno, have a nose extension; that might work – The Nosy Chef? Jamie Oliver was dubbed The Naked Chef although that wasn’t strictly true.

Suggestive Cookbook Titles

Some books use the F word (yes, I know, it’s fuck!) in their title and I recently saw mention of a book called Let’s Play Hide the Sausage although I'm not sure that one was genuine! When I first published my ice cream book (Luscious Ice Cream without a Machine) there was a book available called Tits and Ice Cream which is no longer available and, coincidentally, about the time my book Creative Ways to Use Up Leftovers  (containing recipes, ideas, tips, handy hints, food pairings, jokes and anecdotes for every scrap of leftover food) was published, Pig Tits and Parsley Sauce, a book about eating frugally, was published in New Zealand. 


Whilst these titles are funny and do catch the eye I’m not sure this is thex way to convince people that I am a serious cook and know my subject.

Celebrity Cookbooks

I think I am too old to start being glamorous like Nigella and I am no sort of a celebrity which is a shame as there does seem to be some natural connection between being able to act (e.g. Gwyneth Paltrow, Vincent Price – yes!, Yul Bryner, Gerard Depardieu and Miss Piggy – who even includes a recipe for bacon!!!.), sing (Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Ziggy Marley and Boy George, for instance) play the piano and more (Liberace) etc. and being able to write and sell cookbooks.  

Sadly, all I can do is cook and also write a bit! Any ideas for grabbing people’s attention?

If, perchance, you fancy a peek at my cookbooks, click here!