Why I wish I was Fat and/or Hairy!

This, at first thought, might seem strange but I think it’s the best way forward if I am ever going to be taken seriously as a food writer.

Sadly, I am normal size, normally hirsute, don’t ride a motorbike and I’m not even a lesbian, more’s the pity. (A straight friend once said to me that she wished she was gay as “that way at least you can have a sensible conversation at home!”, point taken!). 

What on earth can I do to grab the attention of people who might find my cookbooks helpful?

Useful Credentials for a Food Writer

The fact that I have been a chef for over 30 years, have run my own restaurants, have travelled and worked as a chef not only in England but in various other places including many years in the Caribbean, lived and cooked on boats, in camper vans, caravans and other odd situations and (this is the important bit) learned and picked up a huge range of interesting and truly useful ideas, tips and recipes just doesn’t seem to be enough to qualify me as a cookbook writer worth reading.  

I need a peculiarity. I don’t think being fat, hairy or gay is particularly odd, perhaps I could drink loads like Keith Floyd or, I dunno, have a nose extension; that might work – The Nosy Chef? Jamie Oliver was dubbed The Naked Chef although that wasn’t strictly true.

Suggestive Cookbook Titles

Some books use the F word (yes, I know, it’s fuck!) in their title and I recently saw mention of a book called Let’s Play Hide the Sausage although I'm not sure that one was genuine! When I first published my ice cream book (Luscious Ice Cream without a Machine) there was a book available called Tits and Ice Cream which is no longer available and, coincidentally, about the time my book Creative Ways to Use Up Leftovers  (containing recipes, ideas, tips, handy hints, food pairings, jokes and anecdotes for every scrap of leftover food) was published, Pig Tits and Parsley Sauce, a book about eating frugally, was published in New Zealand. 


Whilst these titles are funny and do catch the eye I’m not sure this is thex way to convince people that I am a serious cook and know my subject.

Celebrity Cookbooks

I think I am too old to start being glamorous like Nigella and I am no sort of a celebrity which is a shame as there does seem to be some natural connection between being able to act (e.g. Gwyneth Paltrow, Vincent Price – yes!, Yul Bryner, Gerard Depardieu and Miss Piggy – who even includes a recipe for bacon!!!.), sing (Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Ziggy Marley and Boy George, for instance) play the piano and more (Liberace) etc. and being able to write and sell cookbooks.  

Sadly, all I can do is cook and also write a bit! Any ideas for grabbing people’s attention?

If, perchance, you fancy a peek at my cookbooks, click here!

Scott's Soup plus a Trouser Joke!

Yesterday we visited friends and their son, Scott (actually he’s one of our friends too!) aged 9, had cooked a most wonderful Butternut Squash and Leek Soup.  It was about 4 in the afternoon and we only popped in for a coffee but I just had to eat a whole bowl full of the stuff.  It was seriously good, the sort of thing I would be happy to have on a restaurant menu.  Chaps like Scott surely gives hope for the future of eating in Britain – perhaps it won’t all be bought in stuff after all.

I didn’t take a picture but it was this colour!

So, today's lunch …

~  Menu  ~

Smoked Haddock and Leek Fishcake

Honey Mustard Drizzle

White Wine Spritzer

A few strawberries, surprisingly enough

We have bought our tickets and in about 10 days are off on the next stage of our seasonal wandering – to Tortola in the British Virgin Islands (we lived there for 16 years and still have our old live-aboard boat anchored in Trellis Bay) for a couple of months of sorting out said boat, catching up with friends and maybe taking in a few rays (and rum).

Before we go I am stocking up my father-in-law's freezer for him and today I have made Chicken Casserole, Red Wine Braised Beef and Smoked Haddock in Creamy Leek Sauce. Whilst doing it I had a few bits and pieces over and made myself a well deserved lunch using up a modicum of mashed potato I had in the fridge. 

I munged together a good spoonful of buttery tender cooked leeks, a handful of mashed potato and all the little pieces and flakes of smoked haddock that fell off, or were encouraged to leave, the main pieces of fish.  Formed into a cake, coated in seasoned flour, shallow fried till crispy and drizzled with bought in Honey Mustard Dressing from my store cupboard and with lots of freshly ground black pepper it was delicious. 

We bought some very cheap strawberries in Tesco yesterday  (we're not always in there - honest!); 59p a punnet.  They are a little different from British strawberries, pointy and on the firm side.  I halved and sugared them for dinner tonight and ate just a few whilst I was doing it.

I have to say that my Up a Day, Down a Day Diet is not going as well as expected.  This is through no fault of the diet but seems to be some strange failing in myself!

As an excuse I am using the fact that I am testing a lot of dishes for a couple of articles I am writing and am naturally greedy thorough and have to try everything.
  
Oh - before I go I just want to pass on a joke I saw on Twitter ... 

MEN. Show your wife that YOU wear the trousers by wearing trousers and shouting "Look at my trousers!"

... it was posted by Twop Twips so now I'm following them in case they are often this funny.